Mental Health, Grief, and Queer Community
For the second time this year the queer community in Philly has lost someone. Both deaths were people that I knew from “around”, but not close friends of mine. However, it still totally sucks. Last night, talking with a friend, he mentioned feeling like we need to talk more about both mental health and grieving in our communities. And he said, “This is kind of your thing.” And it is my thing. Many consuming years of school gave me a great opportunity to distance myself from others as I dealt with my own feelings and issues and helped me to learn how to be a healer in my own communities. I’ve been on committees, done organizing, ran groups, worked with people individually – and it still can all feel so hopeless when I mourn the loss of life of people who were suffering. I’m not so conceited that I feel like it’s my job to “save” people – I don’t really feel like that’s how the world works and I don’t want that job. I know there are some things in life I’m really good at (writing blogs at a picnic table) and other things I’m not so good at (meeting strangers) and I try to use the things I’m good at to help folks who are having a hard time because I know what that feels like.
My friend was right, we do need to have more conversations about mental health and about grieving in our queer communities. But what does that look like? How do we acknowledge the diversity of experience and feelings that people feel without judging and pathologizing? Where is the line between brilliance and mood swings? What if someone doesn’t want help? What do you do when everybody already knows that living in a homphobic and transphobic world fucks us up, but that doesn’t really stop it from happening?
I often write and talk to people about finding the parts of the world that are brilliant and magical and finding ways for those parts of the world to be the ones we turn to when feeling low. And just to really be as gay as possible, I have this Indigo Girls lyric running through my head, “Well darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable, And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear.” And so in these moments of sadness I can talk all I want about hope, but I believe that first we need to look at the darkness, sit with it, and acknowledge it. Because it’s sad when someone we love dies. And it’s sad when we no longer see the face of someone we recognize in the crowd like we once always depended on in a way we didn’t even understand.
And so I write this, thinking of my friends words last night, and making a visible space for us to think about and acknowledge our loss and our grief. I’ve seen people come together to support each other in amazing ways, so I know that this is happening over and over again. And it’s gonna need to happen over and over again. And I’m going to write about it and talk about it and make art about it over and over again so that it stays visible and we keep supporting each other even when life flows like a dream. Because anyone who’s been there knows, that even when you’re surrounded by love, you can still feel alone. And I don’t want to “save” anyone, but I do want to be a voice that speaks up and says that it’s ok to ask for help, and it’s good to need other people, and we’re all doing the best that we can. Take care of each other.
How to Find the Love You Want and Have Fun Doing It
How to Find the Love You Want and Have Fun Doing It
This three week workshop will give you a chance to identify what you want in a relationship and learn some ways you can get it. Sometimes dating seems impossible or just isn’t fulfilling, it doesn’t have to be that way. This workshop will be fun, low stress, high humor, and is designed for single folks of all gender identities and sexual orientations and all levels of dating experience. Instructor Damon Constantinides, PhD., LSW has a doctorate in Human Sexuality Education.
Tuesdays, 6:00-8:30pm
(Oct. 4, 11, 18)
$60 members/ $95 non-members
Min. registrants 5, Max. 15
Registration Deadline: Sept. 27
Presentation 8/30/11: Working with LGBTQ Couples and Families
Working with LGBTQ Couples and Families
Presented by Damon M. Constantinides, Ph.D., LSW
Web Conference Description
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer (LGBTQ) families have many similarities to any other kind of family, but they also have some unique differences that require additional knowledge for couple and family therapists. In educational settings these differences are sometimes either ignored completely or emphasized out of proportion leaving clinicians unprepared to meet the needs of these clients. This presentation, based on both available literature and on clinical experiences, will focus on some of the concrete differences that LGBTQ couples and families experience and some of the ways you as a clinician can increase your effectiveness with this population. Case studies, application of specific approaches and interventions, and an opportunity to ask questions will be included in this ninety minute presentation.
This Web Conference is designed to help clinicians:
1) Define the terms sexual orientation, gender identity, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer;
2) Name three characteristics that could make working with a LGBT couple or family different than working with a heterosexual couple or family;
3) Increase understanding of how gender roles and scripts impact LGBT relationships;
4) Learn at least one specific technique that is effective when working with LGBT couples and families.
Date & Time of Presentation
This 90-Minutes presentation will begin at 9:00 AM PACIFIC on 08-30-2011
Continuing Education (CE) Information
1.5 CE credits will be provided by GoodTherapy.org for attending this Web Conference in its entirety. GoodTherapy.org is approved as a continuing education provider by the National Board for Certified Counselors (NBCC) and the California Board of Behavioral Sciences (BBS). GoodTherapy.org is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. GoodTherapy.org maintains responsibility for this program and its content.
How the Web Conference Works
In short, participants will be able to listen to the event by calling in to our teleconference center. Prior to the event, all participants will be sent an email with instructions on how to login to the teleconference and video conference center. This event will include lecture, interaction, and question and answer periods.
Registration Information
This Web Conference is available for free to GoodTherapy.org Members.
Book Review: Resurrecting Sex
Schnarch, David, Resurrecting sex: Resolving sexual problems and rejuvenating your relationship. Harper Collins, New York, 2002.
I picked up David Schnarch’s book Resurrecting Sex: Resolving Sexual Problems and Rejuvenating Your Relationship to check out if it would be useful for clients who were struggling with their sex lives. What I found was an amazing resource that reframes sex and relationships and would be useful to use with any couple, even if they don’t have sexual problems or “need rejuvenating.”
The first half of the book is called “A Crash Course in Sex” and that is exactly what it is. It is this first half that I believe makes this book so valuable for any person regardless of relationship status. One of Schnarch’s concepts that I found refreshing and exciting was his approach to encouraging couples to think of themselves as a team. This mentality moves away from blaming and towards finding creative solutions. The crash course in sex also does a great job reviewing sex, desire, arousal, and orgasm from both a physical and emotional perspective.
Although Schnarch’s language is often inclusive in his use of “partner” versus “spouse”, all of his case examples are heterosexual couples. Same-gender couples or sexual minority people interested in learning more about sex and their relationship will get some great information and ideas from this book, but they will also have to translate the case examples to fit their own experiences. This becomes a barrier for sexual minority readers because sometimes, especially when you might be feeling vulnerable, adding a layer of invisibility can be frustrating. So before recommending this book to a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or queer client or friend make sure to add the caveat that getting to the good stuff sadly requires navigating some heterosexism.
That said, this book is an excellent resource for educators, therapists and clients. Schnarch’s tone throughout the book is both frank and kind. He utilizes a casual style while still including concrete information based on research. This is the kind of book that you can pick up, thumb through, and just read the part that sticks out to you as interesting, or you can read it cover to cover. It provides clear and concise background information about sexuality that increases the usefulness of Schnarch’s more specific suggestions for maintaining an active sex life.
New York Times: The Therapist Will See you Now, Via the Web
Using the internet to provide effective psychotherapy is an ongoing conversation among practitioners. This New York Times article looks at some of the issues and some of the companies and practitioners who are using this modality.
One piece not mentioned in this article is licensing and the stance on online therapy by national licensing boards. As a social worker who provides counseling to populations who often struggle to find therapists who are competent and knowledgeable regarding their identity, I’ve considered using the internet to make my services more accessible. However, as a Licensed Social Work in Pennsylvania I can’t practice “out of state” and the licensing board has no official statement regarding internet services.
I anticipate that this modality will continue to grow and that the field of psychotherapy will relunctantly grow with it. After all, as noted in the article, it was 40 years ago when this concept first became a reality!
Click here for the full New York Times article: The Therapist Will See You Now, Via the Web
Share-worthy: Why Feminism is also Dude-Ism
This article talks about how being a feminist can be one of the most manly things a guy can do. A good read, check it out below:
Why Feminism Is Also Dude-Ism
Posted on April 15, 2011
By Dan Solomon
Here are some things that happen to a dude when he first starts to speak up about feminist issues:
He discovers that women in his life whom he would never have associated with the word “feminism” have strong opinions about the things that he’s talking about. Because while we have the luxury of perceiving these things as not being about us, and thus not relevant to our lives, every woman he knows has had to consider what she’d do if she got pregnant when she didn’t not plan to. Every woman he knows has been talked down to by a man who wasn’t as smart or capable as she was. Almost all of them have been treated poorly or made uncomfortable by some dude at some point who saw getting into her pants as a prize to be won. Even women who seemed like just one of the dudes begin to share experiences that he never would have imagined that they’d had, because doing so around him begins to feel safe.
Other dudes, they get really offended. They call him pussywhipped, or claim that he’s just playing up some sensitive guy routine to get laid. They contest his manhood, call him a mangina, or claim that he holds some white knight hero complex, and they’re the real advocates for equal rights, because they’re willing to bully women without giving them special treatment!
He realizes that these issues that seemed like they were not relevant to his own daily life are actually very much about him, too. That issues that seemed, at first, to be matters of fairness that required taking a stance simply because it’d be cowardly not to are actually issues that affect him in every aspect of his life.
Realizing that feminist issues are also dude issues is a major revelation.
Love Your Vagina Song
This is for all of those sexuality educators (that’s anyone who’s breathing folks!) out there!
Move On: Killing Us Softly 4
Moveon.org posted this video of Jean Kilbourne talking about the impact of media representation of women on girls. A worthwhile watch and perhaps a useful teaching tool.
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Takin’ it to the Streets: The Perfect Victim (Part I) | Bitch Media
Takin’ it to the Streets: The Perfect Victim (Part I) | Bitch Media.
Resource: Experiences of Trans and Gender Variant People in Pennsylvania’s Prison System
http://www.scribd.com/doc/56677078/This-is-a-Prison-Glitter-is-Not-Allowed
