Kinsey Confidential: The Joys of Lube! A New Study on Lubricant Use Among Adult Women

The Joys of Lube! A New Study On Lubricant Use Among Adult Women

By Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.)

Posted January 25, 2011

We all know the old adage, “a little bit of lube goes a long way.”  Okay, so I made that up, but research on the use of lubricant during solo and partnered sexual activity demonstrates the benefits of lube.  In a new study of women, there is a clear benefit for sexual pleasure and sexual satisfaction when using either water- or silicon-based lube.

The Study

In a study of 2,400 women, researchers at Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion investigated women’s reports of sexual satisfaction and sexual pleasure when using no lube, water-based lube, or silicon-based lube during solo and partnered sexual activity. Women were randomly assigned one type of lubricant and asked to assess their sexual experiences for two weeks.  The participants reported greater sexual pleasure and satisfaction when using either silicon-based or water-based lubricant during sexual activity compared to activity without any lubricant.  Indeed, this corresponds with the majority who report using lube during vaginal or anal intercourse (70 percent) and masturbation (60 percent) to make sexual activity more pleasurable.

Complete article: http://kinseyconfidential.org/joys-lube-study-lubricant-adult-women/

CNN: Touch Makes You Healthier

Touching makes you healthier

Full story: http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/01/05/touching.makes.you.healthier.health/index.html

Tiny Buddha: 7 Vital Choices for Happy Relationships

Tiny Buddha: 7 Vital Choices for Happy Relationships

by Lori Deschene

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~Lao Tzu

Ten years ago I thought I was going to marry my college sweetheart and become a young bride, which made it all the more devastating when happily ever after didn’t pan out. When we broke up, I felt literally like I lost a limb, complete with phantom sensations of his hand in mine.

It didn’t take long for a dark guilt to bubble up—a constant festering reminder of all the mistakes I’d made. I was highly unstable and insecure back then, and most of my relationships revolved around holding me up.

In the ruins of that romance, I didn’t know what scared me more: that someone else might hurt me again or that I might hurt them enough first to deserve it.

I simultaneously felt an aching need to fill in the hole where he’d been and an overwhelming sense of nausea at the thought of being with someone else.

For eight years I ping ponged from fling to fling and extreme to extreme—putting myself out there far too soon or completely hiding my authentic self; expecting mountains to move or anticipating the worst; choosing the wrong people and refusing to let go, or choosing the right people and running away.

In each case, I either burdened the guy a body bag full of my fears and insecurities, or dragged it around myself wondering why dating felt so exhausting.

I learned every lesson the hard way after first proving myself completely insane by doing the same things and over and over again and expecting different results.

I’m now a little less than two years into a peaceful, loving relationship, and I realize the journey to this connection had more to do with loving myself than finding him. No relationship with someone else can ever compensate for secretly believing you don’t deserve it.

While I by no means know everything, I feel the hard part isn’t knowing what makes a healthy, happy relationship but actually applying that knowledge consistently. It’s a lot easier to make a laundry list of lessons than it is to put them into practice, especially when heightened emotions are involved.

So I’ve done something a little different to explore the different ideas that support healthy relationships. As I often do, I put a question out to the Tiny Buddha Facebook page: what’s thekey to a happy relationship?

I took a sampling of the nearly 200 responses and grouped them into 7 tips. For each one, I listed a few simple ways to apply those ideas right now. If you’re not currently in a romantic relationship, a lot of these can still apply to the other relationships in your life.

1. Practice self love first.

It seems like you can only have happy relationships if you can be happy with or without them. ~Erika Gonzalez

Know that it is not the other person’s job to make you happy. The only person who can do that is you! ~Christi Emmons

The ultimate kicker: be honest with yourself about who you are. ~Kelly Bell

Know that you can be yourself and still be accepted. The best relationship is when you bring out the best in each other, and you are purely content when neither has anything to say. ~Stephanie Schwenning

Take it off the page:

• Make a list or mental note of all the things to appreciate about you. Realize everyone has flaws, and there’s a lot more right with you than wrong with you.
• Work on forgiving yourself. The past is the past and you deserve to put it behind you, but no one else can let it go for you.
• Be good to yourself today. Practice yoga, meditate, or take a walk.

2. Focus on compatibility.

Be best friends first. ~Wendy Nicholson

Have an incredible “like” for each other. ~Diane Bateman

Have shared (or at least compatible) values and communication. Everything else can be forgiven, accepted, or put aside, however values are the root of how we relate to all beings. ~Frank Ra

Find the person who inspires you to be a better you, and always encourage them to become the best them. ~Corinne Morrill

Take it off the page:

• If you’re single, do something social that you love. You’re more likely to meet compatible people if you get out there and foster your  interests.
• If you’re in a relationship, spend some time sharing something you both enjoy. My boyfriend and I met at karaoke, so singing together is a great way to connect.
• If you’re in a relationship with someone and it always feels like hard work, ask yourself: are you trying to jam a square peg into a round hole? It can be scary to walk away from the wrong person, but it’s the only possibility of meeting someone who will feel right.

3. Practice acceptance.

Accept that not everyone or everything is perfect. We are all perfectly flawed. ~Simon Kirk

Be non-demanding of your partner—partners don’t tell each other what to do. ~John Bigl

Mutual adoration and acceptance of the differences that make each of you individuals are keys to a phenomenal relationship. ~Casey Kimes

Happiness is a choice, as are all things in life. I choose to see and feel grateful for all of the best qualities in my partner, rather than focusing on shortcomings. ~Emily Roberts

Take it off the page:

• If you feel yourself focusing on everything someone appears to be doing wrong, ask yourself if there’s something else upsetting you. It’s easier to blame other people than it is to look in ourselves, but oftentimes that’s where the problem is.
• If you feel like changing something about someone else today, ask yourself what change you can make in yourself instead. If you feel unappreciated, show appreciation. It’s more empowering and productive to show people how to treat us than to complain about what’s lacking.
• If there’s something you just can’t accept, ask yourself if you’re willing to walk away because of it. We can’t change other people, but we can change our relationship to them.

4. Have realistic expectations.

Don’t expect it to be happy all the time. ~Stephanie Goddard

Don’t sweat the small things and speak up when it really is important to you. ~Elizabeth Sadhu

Remember that it isn’t always happy, but get through those not so happy moments together or apart, whichever is needed. ~Jessica Duff

Keep realistic standards for each other. ~Ashna Singh

Take it off the page:

• Eliminate the word should today—how a relationship should work, how people should act if they love you.
• Notice when you’re projecting something onto the other person that has nothing to do with them, like a fear from a past relationship. Then make an effort to let it go.
• Recognize when you’re looking for that person to do something for you that you need to do for yourself, like make you feel lovable or take care of your needs. Then release those expectations and do it for yourself.

5. Be kind in words and deeds.

Think about the person’s feelings before you speak or criticize them. ~Dana Brewer Covey

Have a fast ear and a slow tongue. ~Mark Ward

Have compassion and grow together, not apart, as the years go on. ~Krista Tverdak

Love must be bigger and stronger than anything else. Never keep any record of your partner’s mistakes and faults and be ready to forgive. ~Mel Escobar

Take it off the page:

• Make an effort to really listen—not just wait to talk.
• See the other person as if for the first time. It’s all too easy to take someone for granted. Really notice all the wonderful things they do, and let them know what you see.
• If you get frustrated with each other, ask yourself, “Will this really matter after I’ve cooled down?”

6. Be honest.

Talk about things that leave you vulnerable from the heart. ~Cheryl Floyed

Compromise and dream together. ~ Becca Stinson

From my grandparents, who have been happily married for 60 years: the three C’s: caring, communication, and compromise. ~Emily Larsen

Don’t sweat the small stuff, and if something really is bothering you talk about it in a calm controlled manner. Leave drama in the theaters and movies. ~Ben Reyna

Take it off the page:

• Open up about something that you’ve been keeping to yourself. It doesn’t have to be big and dramatic. People can only be there for us if we let them.
• If something’s on your mind, express it without implying the other person is responsible for your feelings.

7. Remember to act.

When you’re bored, do something about it. ~Ernie Somers

Adjust to change. Adjust to moods, lifestyle changes, and new additions, and always remember to love. ~Elysia Cordero

The rest comes and goes as we change and grow and struggle, but being able to laugh together brings you back together. ~Kerry Kokkinogenis

Have rich individual pursuits and pursue things together. ~Laura Texera

Take it off the page:

• If you haven’t in a while, take time to do your own thing today—completely on your own or with friends.
• Take time to laugh together, whether it’s watching funny YouTube videos or trying something new together.
• If you feel dissatisfied with your life, don’t assume it’s your relationship. What other adjustments could you make to feel happier with your place in the world? Maybe you need to take a small step toward a hobby or more fulfilling job.

And lastly…

Start over again and again. ~Miguel Angel Carrillo Infante

It’s a new day–a new chance to practice giving and receiving love.

Link to original article: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-vital-choices-for-happy-relationships/

Sex with Timarree: Worst Post-Sex Mistakes You Can Make

Worst Post-Sex Mistakes You Can Make

Just had some of the most bangtastic sex ever? Or the worst most awfullest? Or median averagest? There’s still a chance to change the course of events and impact the way you and your partner(s) remember the deed. And how you remember the action affects how you perceive the possibility of future action.

Here’s the latest podcast from Dr. Timaree about post-sex behavior, both what to avoid and what to try, if you want everyone involved to look back fondly on the event. Whether you just want that hookup to recall you in a positive light or you’re trying to build a genuine sense of intimacy with your loved one, this one deserves a listen.

Check it out here: Worst Post-Sex Mistakes You Can Make.

You can also search your  iTunes store under “Timaree.”

Thanks and good sexin.

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at http://sexwithtimaree.com

Original Link: http://sexwithtimaree.com/2011/01/12/worst-post-sex-mistakes-you-can-make/

Psychology Today: The Most Powerful Law of Seduction

The Most Powerful Law of Seduction

The most potent law of seduction is…

Published on January 5, 2011

by Scott Barry Kaufman

An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more, drawing them into your circle…The moment people feel they know what to expect from you, your spell on them is broken.” –Robert Greene, The Art of Seduction

People like people who like them. This is one of the most replicated findings in all of social psychology. But people also like people who might like them. This is one of the most well-known principles of seduction.

When receiving clear signals of interest from another person, the person is momentarily pleased, adapts quickly, and the case is closed. But when interest is uncertain, the person can think of little else; they are constantly in search of an explanation. Eventually the person interprets these thoughts as a sign of liking and they think, “Gee, I must really like this person if I can’t stop thinking about him!” (Whitchurch, Wilson, & Gilbert, in press). Every petal peeled off the rose while saying, “He loves me, he loves me not…” is a step closer to attraction.

But which is a more potent force for seduction: the well-known reciprocity principle in social psychology (people like people who like them) or the uncertainty principle in the literature on seduction (people like people who might like them)?

Full Article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beautiful-minds/201101/the-most-powerful-law-seduction

Goodmen Project: A Good Man’s Guide to Catcalling

A Good Man’s Guide to Catcalling

December 23, 2010 By Katie BakerKatie Baker is sick of the whistles. Guys, if you really want to get a pretty girl’s attention, here’s what you should say.

Hey, sexy mama! How’d you get so fine?

Jesus, look at those legs.

I’m used to ignoring the terms of endearment yelled at me by strange men on the street. Like most women I know, I treat street harassment like unpleasant weather—a common occurrence I silently endure by drawing my coat tighter around my body and walking briskly ahead with a stiff neck. But, thanks to this piece, I’d been promising myself I’d take the plunge for weeks, and on this particular day I finally snapped.

“I want to know why you think it’s OK to talk to me like that,” I heard my five-foot-two, small-boned self saying in a voice I wished was less shaky.

“I just appreciate a beautiful woman,” the man said back with a smile.

“OK,” I said, “if you appreciate me, you can tell me I’m beautiful in a respectful way. But you’re treating me like I’m not a human being. No woman likes that, and it doesn’t make me feel beautiful.”

The man looked confused. “I’m really, really sorry,” he said. “I have sisters, and I understand where you’re coming from.”

After a few more seemingly genuine apologies I walked away. I was pleased, slightly cynical (could I really have gotten through to this man in less than 30 seconds?), but most of all shocked that this was my first time talking back to a street harasser. I consider myself a feminist, and am widely known as someone who’s never afraid to speak her mind. Why, then, am I inherently hard-wired to ignore every whistle, lip smack, or holler?

♦◊♦

Some men may wonder why I care so much, why I let street harassment get to me. Maybe you think I’m overreacting by lecturing strangers who only want to compliment me, after all. “I’d be thrilled if a woman on the street told me I was sexy,” a male friend once said to me after I expressed my frustration.

I’m happy to address those questions (and will, later on)—and I understand that it can be difficult to understand how threatening a seemingly harmless “Smile, beautiful!” can feel—but let’s get one thing straight. Go ask any woman in your life whom you respect—mother, sister, cousin, lover, or friend—how it makes her feel when she’s loudly and publicly objectified, the recipient of obscene comments like “suck my cock,” or followed down the street. I promise you that it doesn’t make her feel good or beautiful or respected.

Street harassment has a negative effect on us all. No single man wants the actions of a few to be attributed to his entire gender, but studies show that male harassers impact victims’ perception and reaction to men in general. Still, most street harassers aren’t “bad men”—they don’t fully realize why their actions are hurtful or disrespectful to the female population. Sometimes they don’t even realize they are harassing women at all.

That’s why it won’t end until both men and women start engaging with harassers.

♦◊♦

New York City lawmakers are considering an official catcalling ban, but I’m not sure how successful that could be. Is it really possible to prevent people from talking or calling out to others on the street? More importantly, do we want it to be? While passive objectification can be just as hurtful as the aggressive kind, monitoring it can be much more complicated.

Hollaback!, a group “dedicated to ending street harassment using mobile technology,” encourages women to, well, “holla back” by sharing stories and photos using social media. Hollaback! is a wonderful movement, and definitely a step in the right direction in terms of drawing attention to the cause. But it can only be so effective when the harasser has no idea he’s being “hollered back” at.

I believe reacting online is an approach too detached to make a significant impact. The more I safely challenge my harassers—and see how they almost always step down—the more I realize that we can’t depend on lawmakers or our cell phones to do all of the work for us. So I have a radical idea: Instead of thinking of all street harassers solely as criminals who deserve penalization and public ridicule, we need to communicate with them about how it feels to be the target of their actions.

I know some will be angry with me (hi, Mom) for proposing what may seem like a dangerous idea. Confronting street harassers is not always possible in every situation or for everyone. To be sure, it’s a very bad idea to engage with those who have truly harmful intentions, and if even a small part of you feels threatened, you should walk away.

But (according to Hollaback!, interestingly enough) studies show that those who “respond assertively” to harassment are less vulnerable. It’s possible—if your harasser or leerer seems more ignorant than dangerous, and you’re in a well-lit area with people nearby—to succinctly and calmly explain why certain actions are disrespectful.

I want to challenge all good men to step up. Men, please say something when you witness street harassment, even if the harassers are your coworkers or friends. I’m not saying all men are responsible for their street harassing ilk, but they owe it to the women they respect to set an example and encourage others to do the same.

For full article: http://goodmenproject.com/2010/12/23/good-man-catcall-street-harassment-guys-guide/

Event: Queer/Trans Yoga with Jacoby Ballard

Queer & Trans Yoga with Jacoby Ballard
Saturday, January 15
10:45 am – 12:15 pm
Pay-what-you-can!

Queer and Trans Yoga is a class specifically for the LGBT community that recognizes and adores the many ways of expressing gender and loving others. Jacoby Ballard incorporates partner yoga poses, restorative poses, vinyasa flow, and anything else that you suggest. Whether you’re new to yoga or have years of experience, this class if for you, with you!

ABOUT THE TEACHER: Jacoby Balard has taught yoga for 10 years with certifications from Kashi Ashram and Kripalu Yoga Center’s Advanced Teacher Training. Jacoby worked in spaces non-traditional to yoga—art studios, conference centers, homeless shelters—until co-founding Third Root, a community health center that specializes in yoga and acupuncture in Brooklyn. Jacoby came out as trans through his own practice of yoga and remains committed to transgender health. He works with dozens of trans and gender non-conforming clients and teaches many workshops on the topic, including three weekly Queer and Trans Yoga classes in New York City. Jacoby’s passion for working with students of all bodies, genders and experiences is combined with precise alignment, adapting yogic scriptures to life in the West, and offering physical challenges that honor where the body is at right now. He is in love with the study and practice of yoga and has helped to create a socially-just minded atmosphere for its study at Third Root.

Expecting Unexpected Bodies: Teaching Yoga to Queer, Trans, and Dis/abled Communities
Workshop with Jacoby Ballard and Lezlie Frye
Saturday, January 15th
12:30 pm – 2:30 pm
Tuition: $20 before January 10th, $25 thereafter

This workshop is for yoga teachers who seek to honor and include a wide range of bodies, backgrounds, and experiences in their classrooms. What kinds of bodies do we expect as teachers? Who do we leave out? How do we understand our own bodies as we practice in community? Together we will explore and sit with our assumptions about trans, queer, and dis/abled people as well as the ways that we reflect those ideas in our instructions, adjustments, and language. Angel Kyodo Williams says that “consciousness frustrates oppression.” Becoming present to who is in the room and adapting how and what we teach is part of our own practice and holds the possibility of radically “frustrating” the assumptions and habits that constrain us as teachers and practitioners.

We will also examine yoga lineage, text, and tradition that either makes room for varied bodies or that explicitly excludes certain experiences. Jacoby Ballard and Lezlie Frye offer alternative approaches to teaching and practice that expect and invite dis/abled, queer and trans communities. As we welcome more people into our studios and community spaces, how must our hearts expand?

ABOUT THE TEACHERS:

Jacoby Ballard and Lezlie Frye are committed to slowing down, making room, and holding space for all of the communities and movements they hold dear. Their work merges social justice and embodied spiritual practice, joy and struggle, work and play. Their partnership has been essential both for their individual practice and in the yoga of relationship. In their alliance to one another around dis/ability and gender identity, they continue to find connections and build their capacity to love.

Jacoby Ballard is a yoga teacher, herbalist, organizer, and co-founder of Third Root Community Health Center in Brooklyn, NY. Jacoby has practiced yoga for 12 years and has taught for 10 years. He received his 200-hour certification from Kashi Ashram in Atlanta, and his 500-hour Advanced Yoga Teacher Training at Kripalu Yoga Center. Until teaching at Third Root, Jacoby only taught in non-traditional spaces for yoga: art studios, non-profit offices, homeless shelters, and at conferences out of his commitment to the communities that don’t show up at or are not invited into yoga studios. Jacoby loves working with students of all bodies, genders, and experiences, and offers his students precise alignment, the lessons of yogic scriptures suited to daily life in the West, and physical challenge in an atmosphere of love and compassion for where the body is at right now. He is in love with the study and practice of yoga and has helped to create a socially-just minded atmosphere for the study of yoga at Third Root.

Lezlie Frye is a yogi, activist, performance artist, poet and scholar based in Brooklyn, NY. She was a company member of GIMP, a NY-based interdisciplinary dance project and a former member of SINS Invalid, San Francisco–based artist’s collective exploring dis/abled sexuality. In conjunction with yoga, movement work and performance, she leads workshops and teach-ins around the country. Frye is currently a doctoral student in the American Studies Program, Department of Social and Cultural Analysis, at New York University. Her work explores embodiment and citizenship, with a critical focus on race, dis/ability, gender, and social justice.

Alternet: When the Body Says No: How Emotions Can Cause or Prevent Deadly Disease | | AlterNet

Alternet: When the Body Says No: How Emotions Can Cause or Prevent Deadly Disease

Editor’s note: the following is an interview with Canadian physician and bestselling author Gabor Mate, on the relationship between emotions and the body.

Dr. Maté argues too many doctors seem to have forgotten what was once a commonplace assumption, that emotions are deeply implicated in both the development of illness, addictions and disorders, and in their healing.

Dr. Maté came on Democracy Now! this year to discuss his book When the Body Says No: Understanding the Stress-Disease Connection. Based on medical studies and his own experience with chronically ill patients at the Palliative Care Unit at Vancouver Hospital, where he was the medical coordinator for seven years, Dr. Maté argues that stress and individual emotional makeup play critical roles in an array of diseases, including cancer, heart disease, diabetes, multiple sclerosis and arthritis. Speaking to us this time from Vancouver — it was actually during the Vancouver Olympics — Dr. Maté began by explaining his analysis of the mind-body connection.

Full article: When the Body Says No: How Emotions Can Cause or Prevent Deadly Disease | | AlterNet.

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